Fertility is a private and intimate topic by nature. The project of building a family is often kept secret until the pregnancy is announced and generates a big amount of surprise within the family when it happens.

Assuming it’s a happy journey for everyone, close family and friends don’t always find the right words when bringing up the topic. Here are tips to share with them to educate and coach how to best discuss the topic with people for whom it’s taking longer.

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Our best communication tips:

1. Best is to not ask about it:

For couples taking longer to conceive, a few comments or conversation can be triggering, for example asking “When are the kids coming?” at the dinner table can be poorly received by future parents met with challenges and creates unnecessary social pressure from close ones.

If a couple wants to talk about their desire to have kids, the best approach is to give them the space to do so and under their own terms. Infertility being very private, is not necessarily a topic one wants to discuss openly and it can create a certain amount of shame.

2. Only couples having experienced infertility can truly understand:

Despite having the best intentions, family and friends not having children or not having experienced the long wait before having them don’t fully understand the emotions experienced on a fertility journey. Explaining to the couple what they should do or feel is likely to be disconnected from their reality and not the help they need to receive.

Most couples will do extensive research on the topic and the reasons for infertility can be various, being advised to try a specific method or to talk to an awesome doctor that you know is probably not the solution.

3. Don’t try to convince them they can be happy without children:

Being told you can be happy without children is very saddening for couples trying to conceive. If they are engaged deeply on a fertility journey, every month is an additional effort to reach their ultimate goal and contemplating a life without children is the last thing they want to hear. Even if your intentions are to protect them, don’t try to convince couples they don’t need children in their life to reach happiness. If they choose to stop their effort it will be their choice and in their own time, until then showing them support and words of encouragement is the best way to support them.

4. Read about the topic of infertility to become a better support:

Infertility is a complex topic that even doctors don’t fully understand today. If you are trying to support close ones on that path, doing reading on your own on fertility protocols and reasons can be a good way to educate yourself. With a better understanding of the issue and what it takes to overcome these challenges, you will be equipped to discuss it and you will understand what the couple is going through on this difficult and often lonely journey.

Leading with empathy

When supporting couples on a fertility journey, empathy should always come first. Many individuals navigating fertility challenges often feel isolated, misunderstood, or even judged. Leading with empathy means not just hearing their words but truly understanding the emotions behind them.

Active listening plays a crucial role here. It’s more than waiting for your turn to speak — it’s giving your full attention, reflecting back what you hear so the person feels validated. Simple responses like “That sounds really tough” or “I can see why you’d feel that way” can go a long way in letting someone know their feelings are real and worthy of acknowledgment.

Creating a safe and judgment-free space allows couples to share openly — whether they need to vent frustrations, express fears, or simply talk through their journey. Even if you haven’t personally experienced fertility issues, your willingness to listen without trying to “fix” the problem shows profound support. Sometimes, the greatest gift you can offer is presence and compassion, reminding them they don’t have to carry the weight of their journey alone.

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